New Years Resolutions are problematic
Here’s a More Gentle Approach.
I saw a post on instagram (from @yournaturallearner) that said:
“It goes against nature to set goals in the middle of winter. Lean into the hibernation stage. Release things you don’t need. Eat the extra calories. Rest. Make a lot of soups. Plan a garden. Clean and declutter your home. Connect with your children. Read and be cozy. Buy new comfy pajamas. Journal, paint, draw, bake. Drink warm teas. Go inward. Set goals in spring when welcoming in new things feels more aligned.”
I’m pretty sure I actually clapped upon reading that. Setting lofty goals this time of year is problematic. It’s cold outside, there’s not much sunlight, and our energy is naturally low. That’s the rhythm of the season. Bears hibernate this time of year for a reason…
I do appreciate this yearly opportunity to reflect upon what has worked in our lives and what we want to do differently going forward. But instead of making a resolution, how about this…
What if we gave ourselves permission to be gentle? Notice how your inner critic responds to that suggestion. Are you so conditioned by hustle culture that the invitation to slow down seems a bit threatening? At the same time, notice if a part of you feels relieved. Perhaps a part of you really wants to embrace a slower pace and the opportunity to go inward.
What if instead of a resolution, we chose a word to focus on for the year ahead:
Ease. Peace. Serenity. Courage. Intention. Healing. Creativity. Play. Purpose. Connection. Novelty. Faith. Gratitude. Pleasure. Humility. Presence.
When you think about the year ahead, how do you want to show up in the world? What word would help you to remain mindful of that vision?
For example, let’s say that you’re looking to the new year and want to exercise more. You want to feel like a more physically fit version of yourself. What if you embrace the word fun or novelty. This will encourage you to focus on seeking an enjoyable experience while also moving your body. Is there a new gentle yoga class you’ve wanted to try? A nearby hiking trail that you’ve never explored? A different way to stretch out your tight muscles? A playlist you’re never thought to use for a solo dance party in your living room…?
Or perhaps you want to be someone who meditates more, and the word presence resonates for you. In this very moment, what needs to happen in order for you to feel more present? Turn your attention to your breath. Notice any instincts that pull your attention elsewhere. And then, come right back to your breath.
James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, suggests four guidelines for building a habit; Make it obvious, attractive, easy, and satisfying. Historically, my new year’s resolutions have been none of the above. No wonder they never last! I love that he specifically encourages ease.
Another idea, which I’ve borrowed from a recent episode of Glennon Doyle’s podcast We Can Do Hard Things, is to define your yes and your no for the new year. What do you want to intentionally say yes to? Spending time with friends? Saving for a restorative getaway? Cuddles with your dog? And what are you going to say no to in the upcoming year? That recurring social activity on your calendar that you don’t enjoy what-so-ever but feel like you’re supposed to enjoy? Pressure to look perfect at all times? One-way relationships that drain you?
I’ve decided that my word for the year is intention. I want to be a more intentional version of myself. Less time spent in an aimless and reactive autopilot-mindset and more time spent purposely making decisions that support my well-being. I am saying yes to reading books and maintaining relationships with truly supportive people. I am saying no to shrinking my wants and needs in order to seem agreeable.
I wish you a GENTLE new year!
